Motherhood, Pregnancy

The Truth about our Gender Reveal

I’m taking a deep breath as I sit down to write this, because it’s going to be honest and vulnerable. I have a hot cup of tea, next to me. Georgie is fast asleep and I’m feeling the faintest flutters in my tummy. I’d forgotten what those flutters felt like and I love them. I’m so excited to feel them get stronger. The kicks were my absolute best feeling.

By the way, you might want to get a cup of tea yourself – this is going to be a long read. Bare with me as I bare my soul.

When people found out I was pregnant again, immediately people started saying: “Oh I really hope it’s a girl this time.”

Sox and I were even convinced that we were having a girl because this pregnancy has been so different to when I was pregnant with George. I never had morning sickness first time around, and this pregnancy I’ve struggled with nausea. With George, I craved fish and olives n the beginning of my pregnancy, and in this pregnancy I’ve been craving all the sweets and carbs I can get my hands on. All the old wives tales say that morning sickness and sweet cravings = girl.

We were pretty convinced we would have a girl. Maybe it’s also part society – you know? The pigeon pair. The Cereal Box Family. I got excited about this little “girl” and I imagined a life/ a picture with her. We even had her name.

At 10 weeks we did the NIPT Test – it tests for chromosomal abnormalities and as such, is also able to check the gender. After 7 working days (so 10 agonisingly loooong days in total), we got the results. In fact I was told that the results had come in, but my Gynae was in theatre and would call me once he was back in his rooms. Agony of waiting.

That afternoon, George and I went everywhere with Sox – running all his errands with him – just so we could be together when that call came in and we’d hear the news together.

After all Sox’s work was done, we decided to head to the promenade where George could ride his bike a bit and play on the swings. At around 16h30, my phone rang. It was a private number – I never answer those.

I answered. It was the call. 

“Hi! I have your results! Everything has come back healthy and normal. Wonderful news.” Sox and I breathed out… Relief. Gratitude! “I also have the gender results if you would like to know.”

“Yes we would – we can’t wait…”

“Congratulations! You’re having another boy!”

Those words sank in, I remember thanking him and putting the phone down and while I stood on the Sea Point promenade, bursting into tears. The idea/picture of a daughter popped like a burst bubble and visions of braiding her hair, pink ballet slippers and just experiencing a daughter as a whole got whipped away.

I felt devastated.

I then felt the worst guilt I’ve ever felt in my life.

We had just got the BEST news – a healthy baby boy and I was sobbing my heart out, while people were jogging past, walking their dogs and Georgie was smiling away, completely unaware as he rode his bike saying “Weeeeee!”

Gender disappointment is completely natural, but no one talks about it and I understand why. If you mention it, people immediately judge you for being ungrateful. You know that I am very sensitive to those who can’t have kids, or are struggling to conceive and I felt so ashamed.

That evening I had a good cry (a few times) as I mourned the loss of never having a daughter and the guilt I felt for even feeling this way. Unless God has a different plan, our plan has always been to only have 2 children.

This might sound really silly, but I’m a visual person and the next morning, I opened up Pinterest and looked at Boy Mom pics – it really helped, in a strange way.

I got some incredible advice from a friend who said this:

Try to remember that you are having another child because you want another child- not because you wanted a girl! Realistically it was a 50/50 chance, and you get what you get!! That also being said, it’s ok to be disappointed, and don’t feel guilty about that!… You do however need to let it pass and as you said get over it (may sound cruel) but if you let it consume you, it will be to the detriment of you and your baby!!

It was exactly what I needed to hear and she was right!

I chatted to a few people who admitted their own gender disappointment and how it had even brought on depression. I didn’t want that because this baby is a blessing and I love it regardless of whether it’s a boy or girl. I looked at my belly and knew in that moment that God never makes mistakes and that I was destined to be a Boy Mom. George is going to thrive being a brother and having a brother – besties for life!

I can truly tell you that I am besides myself with excitement to be a Mom to two little boys. I remain the Queen of the house! Ha! I am also surprised and proud of myself with how quickly it took me to mourn the “loss” and get excited. Less than 48 hours.

George is the most incredible little boy and I am so honoured that he chose me. I can’t believe I’ve been chosen again by this new soul.

We revealed our pregnancy 3 weeks later but didn’t reveal the gender. I wasn’t ready yet and I’ll tell you why…

When people found out I was pregnant all the comments began: Oh I hope it’s a girl. I hope it’s a mini-Bailey. I’m thinking it’s a girl.

All innocent. All well-meaning. All triggering.

I suddenly felt like I was disappointing people. I realise how utterly ridiculous that sounds, but it’s how I felt.

Those who did find out said things like: “Oh shame. Oh no. Well, you’ll have to go for the 3rd.”

Like this baby wasn’t enough, or was some sort of consolation prize.

I wasn’t ready for the comments. I needed to grow a thicker skin.

So what happened next was a comedy of errors – an error that I made.

YOU Magazine contacted Sox’s agent to do a sweet announcement in the Scene & Heard section of the magazine. We had to answer Q’s. I was not thinking properly – proper Preggy brain – and I got into the mode of answering these questions in the excitement of the pregnancy, and not with the publication in mind.

The magazine came out and I shared it on my Instagram page.

All of a sudden DMs started pouring in from people saying: So it’s a boy?

I was taken aback. Were they assuming from the blue heading? It was only when a friend highlighted a sentence that I hadn’t read properly – or read what I wanted to read.

“George, their 2 year old son, is excited that he’ll soon have a brother.” I had read it as “he’ll soon be a brother.”

I couldn’t believe I’d made the error and when I went into my email sent items, I saw that I had answered the gender question – one I was meant to leave blank.

By default YOU magazine got the exclusive… and so we made our gender announcement the next day, sooner that I had thought we would.

I shared this on Instagram and then a swipe for the next video:

I feel relieved now that the news is out, so that people can get their comments out of the way. There have been countless and I’ve had to bite my tongue several times.

I’ve received comments like:

Oh shame, you’re really missing out not having a girl. You’ll have to have another.

*like a 3rd child guarantees a girl*

How disappointing. I was really hoping it would be a girl, but a boy will do.

Wow! Another boy. Hectic. Sorry.

I really thought someone like you would have a girl. I feel sorry for you that you won’t experience that. Maybe #3 hey?

Better luck with #3.

I truly understand that the comments aren’t malicious. I think it’s just another example of how people share their opinions without giving much thought about what their opinions could mean or trigger. It falls into the same category of loaded Q’s and comments like: “So when are you having kids?”

I don’t want to come across as defensive, but I do want to say that this baby boy is wanted, prayed for and loved so fiercely and we cannot wait for him to complete our family at the end of the year!

I truly believe you get what you’re meant to and I now understand that being a Boy Mom, is such a privilege. I feel immensely proud and I take pride and great responsibility in wanting to raise respectful gentlemen.

If you are experiencing gender disappointment, I’m sorry and it’s OK. It is OK to mourn the “loss” of an idea you had, so try not to feel guilty. It doesn’t mean you’re going to love that baby any less. Be kind to yourself.

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  • Reply Caley

    Aw Bails – your raw honesty and vulnerability is so incredibly inspiring and uplifting. Thank you for sharing your emotions and being a voice for so many women. Gender disappointment is so real and so normal – we all grow up with a grand plan in our minds and our hearts are allowed to be sore when it doesn’t all work out as we had imagined…

    I grew up believing I was a boy mom and that I would have three boys. And now I’m a girl mom with three girls.
    I had boys names, boys schools, boy party themes and loved the little boys clothing sections – girls truly didn’t even cross my mind! But our Father above knows our Plan is what our lives and hearts need – and one day, we will understand it all. The doesn’t ever take away the love we have for our little people…

    A pigeon pair is always wonderful for parents but two little boys, two brothers and two best friends for life is something truly magical. Sending you the biggest hugs and squeezes mama x

    June 21, 2019 at 6:45 am
  • Reply Nicolette Knoetzen

    I just love your complete honesty in this post. It’s just ridiculous how some people just can’t seem to keep their comments to themselves and just say “congratulations”. It’s a great privilege to be able to raise two boys and I follow you on Instagram and watch all your Insta Stories about George and I am just struck about how clever he is and adorable and that you guys are so involved. This post really just resonated with me, because I believe that I will only have one child as I had really bad postpartum depression for a year after my son was born and I feel that to give him a happy and healthy mommy is the best thing I can do for him. BUT then I get “well meaning” people telling me I am doing him a disservice by not giving him someone to play with (he has more friends than I do!) or the best yet, that he will grow up to be spoiled and won’t know how to share – now those comments cut deep! I sometimes really feel emotional about the idea that I am not willing to give him a sibling. But I am so happy for you and Sox. You are fantastic parents as can be seen from how gorgeous and special George is.

    June 21, 2019 at 6:55 am
  • Reply Chantal Marais

    I am completely with you on the gender disappointment. We found out on Christmas Eve, a day before we left for our London holiday, and all I could think was please could we have a little boy.

    I know it sound insane but I come from a bad background of childhood sexual abuse and still find being a female in this world terribly difficult. The thought of bring a girl into this world was terrifying.

    We also got our result extremely early at 12 weeks and I burst into tears. But after a good cry I realised I am blessed to bring something so special into this world and she will be extremely loved and protected.

    Now I actually have a good giggle thinking about how irrational it all was!

    Congratulations on your little one.

    June 21, 2019 at 7:17 am
  • Reply Nikita

    Following your journey is like prep for us “not yet moms”. Its such a pleasure to read your blog. I hurry each time you have posted, really makes a realist and overthinker like myself feel a bit better. Thank you Bailey.

    June 21, 2019 at 7:25 am
  • Reply Lynzey Isaacs

    Wow this absolutely resonates with me!I always had this idea in my head that I’d have a son first and hopefully a daughter after. When we received the news that our first baby would be a girl, I was slightly dissapointed. Also, I felt immense guilt immediately afterwards, having hewrd that all was 100% nornal and healthy. When I saw the look on my husband’s face, my dissapointment changed. He was beyond thrilled as he always wanted a daughter to dote on. I realised that we are blessed with children, not genders. Regardless of their gender, we are chosen to raise them and that in itself ia a miracle right there. My daughter is 3 years old now and I cannot imagine doing life without my little sidekick!!

    June 21, 2019 at 7:50 am
  • Reply Megan Hartwig

    Thank you for sharing your heart and soul out in this post…I the reader appreciate your honesty, and you never have to explain the way you feel…you are only human at the end of the day. Congratulations on the new little man in your life! May this special time be filled with love and joy. xx

    June 21, 2019 at 7:53 am
  • Reply Marina

    What is it about your posts that always bring me to tears! Congratulations once again and wishing your family of four lots of love, joy & happiness which you give in abundance x

    June 21, 2019 at 8:16 am
  • Reply Michelle

    Thank you for sharing Bailey
    I felt the same way in my first pregnancy and last unfortunately
    I so wanted a girl
    So I can go buy pink clothes and make the pink and do the deco pink
    But when my scan said a little chubby boy
    I got depressed and sad cause I wanted a girl so badly
    Now my son Jack is 17 months and his a sick a clever boy and full of himself his a blessing from God
    So don’t feel bad u having another boy , they do say boys are easy than girl hahaha
    Not sure if that is true
    As long as baby is healthy and has all his toes and fingers it really shouldn’t matter at all..
    I wish I can have another baby
    But financially I can’t..
    So Jack is my rock he keeps me going with lots of love and energy hahaha
    Thank you Bailey

    June 21, 2019 at 8:25 am
  • Reply Kokopops

    Congratulations on baby G2! So exciting. I love your honesty in this post. I have been through my own “mourning” process. I had my little boy three years ago. It was a traumatic birth so we decided we will only have one child. I think its the same kind of sadness you are explaining, knowing that I won’t have another child (boy or girl), so I feel you sister 🙂 Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

    June 21, 2019 at 8:28 am
  • Reply Chantell Nell Marais

    Ah, Bailey, you are so brave (but then again you have always been) to share your naked emotion with the world. I think there are a lot of expecting mommies (and even dads) that feel exactly the same as you. I had the reverse happen to me. Firstly when I found out I was having baby no 2 I panicked because how could I love another child like I loved my boy? Would I love them equally? I had my kids 10 years apart, I was so convinced I was having another boy, and emotionally prepared for just that. Throughout my second pregancy the gyne had a hard time confirming what the sex of the baby was. To my surprise, at 28 weeks (this is a few years ago before the fancy new tests that you get to reveal gender) I found out I was having a daughter. Kai became Kayla – but not without a lot of drama. It took some time to get used to.
    So the only things that I can assure you of are this, you are much stronger than you can ever imagine, you will always have enough love to share for your children and the most important is that you are so immensely blessed.
    Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy!

    June 21, 2019 at 9:03 am
  • Reply Chanique

    Thank you so much for sharing Bailey, I also experienced gender disappointment. I really wanted a little girl and even went out and bought sweet little pink things and outfits and when we found out at 12 weeks it was a boy I was devastated. I never saw myself as a boy mom. Ever. How am I going to do this I thought, why me I thought but now that he is hear a year later I can’t imagine my life without him.

    Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to feel all the emotions. When baba is here you will see why you were picked and why he chose your little family. God never makes mistakes and that you are most certainly right about ❤️

    June 21, 2019 at 9:38 am
  • Reply Cindy Lepore

    Thank you for such an honest and heart felt post. I have a little boy and while I always thought I’d be the perfect “girl mom” my little man has not only brought me ridiculous amount of joy, he has also changed me for the better and has taught me such beautiful lessons. I think there is nothing quite like a bond a mother has with her son and a son always holds his mom in such high regard. I definitely want a second child and like you would love a little girl (all the pink, bows, frills, ponytails, shopping and pamper partner and best friend for life) but if God blesses me with another boy I would be incredibly happy because my son has truly filled my heart to the max.
    I’ll get my girlie fixes from my nieces.
    People can be so harsh and I hope you don’t let their comments get to you. Having two boys means adventures and house full of males that adore you xx

    June 21, 2019 at 10:44 am
  • Reply Helen

    When planning our own family I wanted to be a boy mom. Coming from a family of girls and being the eldest I felt I lost out on having a big brother who would look out for his sister. We did the whole 9 yards to ensure that our first born would be a boy. I kitted out the room and the clothes I was so convinced that I was having my boy. When my baby was delivered I still didn’t ask my gynae broke the news that it was a girl. The joy and happiness I felt at holding my healthy baby was second to none and when after 3 years of struggling to have our 2nd baby it was another girl. We felt blessed that our baby was healthy and finally the baby we so desperately wanted was with us. I look at our beautiful daughters and know God gave us exactly what we needed not what we wanted. Our children choose us and that is such a privilege. Congratulations Bailey you are such a super awesome mom and your boys are super blessed to have you and Sox as their parents. Georgie is going to be an awesome big brother and we look forward to sharing this journey with you.

    June 21, 2019 at 11:24 am
  • Reply Audrey

    Hi Bailey, reading this post reminded me of my own gender disappointment 17 years ago. We did not find out the gender until baby was born! We too were convinced we were having a daughter until he popped out this beautiful blue eyed blonde baby boy. As a mom of two boys, I have never looked back and have grown to enjoy hockey, soccer, cricket and rugby games…..very different from what I was used to. BOYS are the best and yes I am biased but they will bring you such joy! Congrats and sending you all the best wishes.

    June 21, 2019 at 12:10 pm
  • Reply Michelle

    This post had me in tears and I realised my own guilt. I am not yet a mommy, maybe way later but I have friends with babies and friends having their second baby and I was also guilty of “I hope it’s a girl/boy this time”
    My husband comes from a home with two boys and they way they respect and treat and protect their mother is the sweetest thing I have seen in my life, it made me want to be a boy mom but God has already laid out all the plans he has for us.
    I wish you all the best with your new adventure.
    You will definitely be the queen of the house.

    June 21, 2019 at 12:20 pm
  • Reply Svetlana

    I am also pregnant with a baby boy (due 18 Nov). I was a *tiny* bit disappointed , my husband more so. But we both got over it in about 24 hours. I agree with you – it’s good to acknowledge the feeling, feel it, and then move on. As far as all these dreams of ballet shoes and hair braids go, I had them too, but they are our ideas of what being a girl means – not our future children’s! Because its my first child, I haven’t had any stupid comments about the gender but many about everything else including this well-meaning gem: “And I hope you’ve made sure it doesn’t have any extra chromosomes!!!!”

    June 21, 2019 at 12:27 pm
  • Reply Jayne Ann Sim

    Your posts are always so honest. You have always let us into your life and now your husbands and then your beautiful cute child Georgie. So thank you for that. It is wonderful that you have agreed to share your life with us the judgemental public. Please don’t let all those comments get you down. We know that you are gonna love this new little baby boy as much as you have loved your 1st little boy. You guys really make cute babies I have to say. Your new little soul has chosen you guys as parents and just be proud of that. I really wish you guys all the best. But take the time to mourn that you won’t be having a girl. There is a reason for why he chose you guys. Maybe he is what we call a rainbow child. A rainbow child is a child that has never had a previous life. He is coming into this world with no past and you guys are going to teach him about your life and his future. That to me is a true blessing. So teach him well as you guys are teaching little Georgie as well. All the best and stay blessed. You really are going to be the Queen Bails of your house and be thoroughly spoilt. All the best.

    June 21, 2019 at 1:20 pm
  • Reply Linda

    Brothers have a bond like no other and siblings love eachother regardless of Male or female. And not that it makes it any better but my girl doesn’t let me braid her hair or do any girly things I was picturing with her, and my boy is a very gentle soul, not a rough and tough loud kid you’d expect from a boy. Each kid is special and amazing and you get what you need <3

    June 21, 2019 at 2:24 pm
  • Reply Johline

    Thanks for your honesty. Have a blessed and healthy pregnancy.

    June 21, 2019 at 2:50 pm
  • Reply Tanya

    I always love your posts Bailey and you are always honest and real which I admire and appreciate. I also experienced a moment of disappointment when I was told I was having a girl. I was convinced I was having a boy! But I truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes and sends you the child you need. My little girl is my biggest blessing and I couldn’t wish for a more perfect child. Congratulations on your precious little boy. George is going to be an awesome big brother and they’re going to be the best of friends! Wishing you and your family all the very best xxx

    June 21, 2019 at 3:12 pm
    • Reply Ftm

      Thanks for sharing and opening up in such a raw way. I too went through this earlier this year when I found out I was having my second son. Now that he is here I love the connection toon between my boys and I too know they will be best friends growing up. My heart still yearns for a little girl and its tough deciding whether or not to have another one because nothing is guaranteed in life and I need to know that I will be just as happy with a 3rd boy.

      December 22, 2020 at 9:32 am
  • Reply Belinda Rademeyer

    Thank you for sharing this.
    When we were about to find out the gender of our 2nd, I pumped myself full of reasons that it will be ok to have 2 of same,esp the bond of the boys and how they would be off with dad in adventures etc and I would have it easier… That when we found out we were having a girl I think I was almost sad in a way… And scared of having a girl. But I got over myself quickly.

    So today I read your blog and my good friends who just found out they having twins did a gender reveal.. My friend said she really hopes one is a girl as they have a 1,5 year old boy already and she is scared she might be sad if she doesn’t get a girl.
    I just received the photo of the double layered blue cake.
    Shame, my friend is still processing the news. I’ve just encouraged her with your blog and to me the biggest blessing of God choosing them to raise 3 Godly men, what an honour. He entrusts them to further his Kingdom.

    All the best to you and your family. Enjoy every moment. 2nd time around I found the time went super fast.
    My 2nd and last one, is now already a year 🙂

    June 22, 2019 at 11:57 am
  • Reply Jeshian

    Bails be strong and remember that the man upstairs always has a plan. Dont let others bring you down. People are quick to put their 2 cents in but when its them no one must know. Congratulations on your 2nd baby boy. Xx

    June 24, 2019 at 3:09 pm
  • Reply Candice

    Boys rule – Mama of four right here. And you’re right, you’ll be the queen of the home forever

    Congrats and I wish you all enough xx

    June 24, 2019 at 8:17 pm
  • Reply Carly

    Welcome to the boy mom club. I have 4 and 2 year old boys. All I can say is, their energy should be sold to Eskom. They need to move a lot and be outside a lot. They are adorable. I didn’t suffer as many negative comments as you, thankfully, those would really have gotten to me. I’m sorry people are so weird about gender. After having my first, it really hit home that I gave birth to an individual person, and I need to learn everything about that person. It’s not about some clichéd recipe for girls or boys. I love my 2 little humans and wouldn’t want iit any other way.

    June 25, 2019 at 5:44 am
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