Sox and I are exactly 2 weeks away from getting married (pinch me!) and while planning this wedding has been amazing/stressful/extremely stressful/exciting, we have really tried to keep a constant reality check on focusing on what is important.
It hasn’t always been easy. It is very easy to get wrapped up in all the plans and the never-ending to-do list.
You can’t help but have all your attention focused on the flowers, the dress(es), the seating plans, the accommodation, the food and so on – which is obviously important, but I feel that couples planning weddings can quite easily forget about what’s really important: Focusing on the marriage.
In essence, all this planning is for one day, and in our lucky case, 2 days and there isn’t really any emphasis on the day after – the day I consider as the first day of our marriage.
After all, I want a marriage more beautiful than our wedding and it’s about remembering why we got married in the first place.
As we get closer to the 4th and 5th of March, I’ve been looking at a lot of marriages and couples that surround us and inspire us.
I always ask them: What is the secret to a lasting, happy marriage? We have received some amazing advice and I would love to share it with you.
Dimitra and George Georgiades (Sox’s Mom and Dad): Married on the 9 January for 44 years.
Love and respect each other and keep the lines of communication open. Strive to understand the other person and try to find a solution, rather than pointing out the wrongs. You need to be prepared to look after each other in the hard times, in sickness and to always be there for one another.
Jenny and Charles Schneider (My Mom and Dad): Married on the 26 May for 37 years.
Never expect the person you married to remain the same. Allow that person to follow their passion, grow and extend themselves into who they are meant to be. Growth is a teacher and builds the character and wholeness, which contributes to you both along the way. Respect that in each other.
You can’t actually put anything in writing on marriage advice in a few words. Marriage and my relationship with your Mom has evolved over many years, the seven years we went out before we got married and the 36 years that we have been married (this year it will be 37 years on the 26th May). Marriage is a feeling, marriage is family, marriage is co-operation, marriage is sharing (sharing everything in your partnership from cleaning to cooking to … well everything), marriage is acceptance of your partner’s strengths and weaknesses, marriage is forgiveness, marriage is being there, marriage is being yourself and being accepted for being you, marriage is exciting, marriage can be sad, marriage is funny and full of laughter, marriage is being your partner and being yourself, marriage evolves as you both change, marriage is everything you want it to be and often it is so much more. Marriage is love.
Merle and Tony Wiesenbacher: Married on the 4 October for 36 years.
Tony said: “There is no room for ego. If you always want to be right, then it won’t work. You have to set your ego aside and your relationship will be wonderful.”
Dave and Ingrid Roding-Tudor. Married on the 15th of Jan for 11 Years.
We have found a couple of key things in our marriage: Always love each other first and foremost. Respect each other. Understand each other and find patience through the trying times!
Marriage is a journey. It has ups and downs and winding paths. It s journey of self-discovery, the road together is a beautiful one and there are massive rewards along the way.
|Ingrid, Hayley, Dave and Chloe|
Well, my most amazing parents, who still hold hands after a lifetime of marriage (so sweet) always gave me the advice to put your husband first in your family. It’s so easy to be a people pleaser, not only around friends, but with children.
I wish I could remind myself of this daily… It really is true. Give that time that is so needed in our busy lives, to our spouses.
Never be too busy to greet each other or say goodbye by looking each other in the eyes, date nights, his favourite home cooked meal for just the two of you. It’s the small things that count , by putting him first!”
Karolina and Filip Rafalski. Married on the 29 March for 8 years.
When I asked them, Filip’s cheeky advice was “Don’t get divorced!” and Karolina’s response to that was, “Answer your wife’s phone calls!’
They went on to say that their advice is to avoid screaming at each other when getting into arguments. The more that emotions are flared up, the greater the chances are of saying something you may regret. Always speak in a respectful manner to each other, because once you have spoken those words, you can never take them back. Words are the most powerful weapon to man, they can hurt deep into the soul, and that’s the last thing you want to do to the person you love the most. Use your words to touch souls and to deepen the connection, not hurt them.
Such inspiration. Do you have any marital advice to share with Sox and I? I’d love to read your comments.