Cyber Bullies

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it.”

Lately I’ve been noticing more and more unkindness online and online trolls wreaking havoc.

This blog post stems from a friend of mine receiving some really aggressive and unnecessary messages, that were just gobsmacking.

My theory has always been that the best response is no response. However, a line has to be drawn when there is disrespect and abuse being thrown around. I cannot stand by, simply out of principle.

It’s not about living for comments or measuring worth based on how many likes you get, but when a really nasty comment comes up, it’s hard to shrug off and be nonchalant.

I always wonder how it happens…

Negative person finds the negative in everything.  Said person then decides, not just to think it, but makes the conscious choice to then voice said opinion, knowing it’s not going to be kind or nice for the person reading it. This person then comes up with something ugly to say, proceeds to type it out and still decides to press publish/send.

There have been several conscious thought processes and not once has a filter come through with a suggestion that perhaps it’s not kind, could be hurtful or even think about how they might feel if the roles were reversed.

Perhaps it is safe to hide behind a keyboard. Although, the pseudonym screen name is no longer. 80% of the time, it’s your own name and surname on social media – especially Facebook. I couldn’t think of anything worse, seeing my name in black and white attached to a whole bunch of abusive words hurled at someone. I’d be embarrassed. For those who have no problem with it, well, I am shocked.

There are 2 things I know for absolute certainty:

  1. You never regret being kind.
  2. In life, you can choose to either be an encourager or a discourager.

I personally don’t receive a lot of ugliness, but I do get a few awful comments or messages every now and then. I usually never respond, because 9/10 this person is looking for a reaction. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

If you really have to respond, it’s how you respond that is the most important. This is where it becomes hard not to let off your own steam. It’s easy to fling mud back, but that accomplishes nothing and quite frankly, it makes you just as bad as them. It’s at times like this that your true character gets to shine through. Sure, being gracious and taking the high road might not be as satisfying at the time, but it is always the best! ALWAYS.

There is a quote I recently saw and I love it: Take the High RoadRealistically, I’m pretty sure the online trolls aren’t going anywhere, which is sad, but hopefully we won’t allow them to win.

I’ll leave you with some more quotes, I found from my good ol’ faithful PinterestIf someone treats you badlykindness
UnkindYou never look good trying to make someone else look bad

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  • Reply Natasha Viljoen

    My mouth simply hangs open sometimes when I see what people say on social media. I often think what has to be wrong with you to carry on like that. And if they get a response! It just escalates and escalates. Sorry that you’ve had to be subjected to it. And good for you keeping your positive attitude!

    July 6, 2016 at 6:12 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Thanks Natasha! I love the word “gobsmacked” … it sums it all up quite well 😉 It just makes me appreciate people like you even more (not that I needed a reason to appreciate)… but thank you for always being so kind! x 🙂

      July 6, 2016 at 6:14 am
  • Reply Kate Ferguson

    It’s amazing how “brave” a person is to type something awful and click submit yet I highly doubt they have the guts to say the same thing to your face. Trolls are really just lonely attention seekers with nothing better to do. Yet they would get a much better reaction and potentially even make friends, if they chose to leave kind comments instead.

    July 6, 2016 at 6:23 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Bravo Kate! I couldn’t have said it better! X 🙂

      July 6, 2016 at 8:37 am
  • Reply Megan Hartwig

    Hey Bailey, I am sorry to hear what happened to your friend, and that you now and again get to experience something like that. I think you handled the situation exceptionally. You didn’t let anything from breaking your spirit. In the end, you will always have more positive support than the negativity created by individuals like this cyber bullies.
    Hopefully there’ll be more measures against this type of bullying in the future.

    Keep fighting the good fight and best wishes! xx

    July 6, 2016 at 8:23 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Yes Megan! You’re so right! Positivity always outshines negativity! I’m so grateful for the positivity I do have – it far outweighs! Xxxxx

      July 6, 2016 at 8:39 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      PS. thank YOU for always being so kind and lovely

      July 6, 2016 at 8:39 am
  • Reply Tanya

    I totally agree with you. My mantra has always been “if you have nothing nice to say, keep quiet!” I honestly don’t know what these people get out of posting mean comments online. It’s sad actually and so unnecessary! If you can’t make a kind or gracious comment to someone or about them rather say nothing at all. Once again a great post Bailey 🙂

    July 6, 2016 at 8:29 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Thanks Tanya! I really appreciate it and I appreciate YOU! Always so kind xxx

      July 6, 2016 at 8:39 am
  • Reply Sharon

    Bailey, I love your positive and happy outlook on life!!! It feeds me way more than any social media mudslinging! Thank goodness for the delete/remove/unfriend button 🙂 xxx

    July 6, 2016 at 10:48 am
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Aw Sharon, thank you! Yes, that BLOCK button is wonderful! Haha! Thanks for the awesome comment 🙂 x

      July 6, 2016 at 1:00 pm
  • Reply A Daft Scots Lass

    I encountered a few of these hate messages back when I was blogging and I agree with you 100%…its HOW you respond, or not. Silence is also an answer.

    July 6, 2016 at 12:19 pm
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Oh Gill, I so agree! The best response is no response… but when you absolutely must, do it with class 😉 xxxxx

      July 6, 2016 at 1:01 pm
  • Reply Megan Keith

    I was thinking about this exact topic this morning, and wondering if I should do a post on my little blog about it. I am a part of a Facebook group for moms. It’s basically a place to ask question, give advice, help, share and support with fellow moms. A mom posted on the group and while I did not agree with what she posted at all, I was equally as horrified to read the comments thread. The judgement and abuse hurled her way was shocking….all coming from moms raising children. Whether you agree with someone or not, be respectful. Even if you feel they are not. Take the high road! Thank you for sharing the thoughts running around in my own head! Megan xx

    July 6, 2016 at 3:03 pm
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      OMG Megan… I have a blog post going out about this, but on another blog I’m collaborating with about this very thing! I’m not a mom (yet), but the ABUSE I see from one mom to the other is SHOCKING! I have enough friends who are moms and part of these jokes and they always show me what is going on! Instead of being supportive and fully understanding and empathising with each other, it’s just judgment and scoffing! Keep your head held and just remember, you are awesome! x

      July 6, 2016 at 3:08 pm
      • Reply Megan Keith

        Please share the link to this other blog post when you can! I’d be interested to read it! I have a group of mom friends, and the support and love we have for each other is beautiful! Life is easier when there is love, support and kindness! Xx

        July 6, 2016 at 3:18 pm
  • Reply Joanie

    This is really gut wrenching, people have bad things happen to them, some of those people rise above their situations and become more,others choose to become mean and is most cases bullies. I love people but they can be so mean. I am sorry your friend had to go through this and I am sure she appreciates your support. And you Bails, how people can criticize and hurt you is just wrong, you always treat your supporters with respect and kindness and you deserve the same!! xxx

    July 7, 2016 at 3:25 pm
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Thanks Joanie! Such kind words! People like that just need to be dealt with in kindness… It’s not always easy, but it certainly is the best and only way!

      July 11, 2016 at 10:36 am
  • Reply Danica

    What a beautifully written post Bailey! I always say if you don’t like it… don’t read it… and then you won’t have anything to comment on. I personally think it is jealousy that leads to the horrible comments and sometimes perfectly innocent statements are pulled way out of proportion by “haters”. Go colour your own piece of the world instead of pouring paint over someone else’s artwork…

    July 9, 2016 at 4:31 pm
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Wow Danica! “Go colour your own piece of the world instead of pouring paint over someone else’s artwork…” THAT is AMAZING! Thank you for sharing x

      July 11, 2016 at 10:24 am
      • Reply Danica

        Awwww thanks Bailey! Please feel free to use it anytime 😉 Thank you for being such a positive ray of sunshine and inspiring us all to be better people! You have certainly made a difference in this world! xx

        July 12, 2016 at 1:55 pm
  • Reply Caley

    I couldn’t agree more my friend – I have also been very lucky not to have many nasty comments but I have had some “real-life” gossip and backstabbing recently which is heart breaking and so sad! It has made me think about myself and my behaviour so often – and to be so careful of what I think and say…

    I always remember “The mouth speak what the heart is full of” x

    July 9, 2016 at 9:37 pm
    • Reply BaileySchneider

      Thanks Caley! It’s so hurtful, but we just have to remember that what “Suzie” says about “Sally”, says more about Suzie than Sally! 🙂 Thanks for sharing – love your last quote! x

      July 11, 2016 at 10:25 am

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