I remember having chats with my mom and she would always say to me that people like to rush things and get involved in your business. She told me that when you get engaged, people will bug you about a wedding date.When you get married, people incessantly ask when you’re going to have a baby and when you’re giving birth to your first, they’ll ask you when you’re going to have a second and how long you’ll want the age gap to be.
I know she was trying to teach me about patience and timing. I know she was trying to teach me to enjoy each moment as it comes and to look forward to moments still to come, but society eventually puts a spanner in the works and you feel the pressure, whether you like it or not.
Whilst, I completely understand that some people think their comments are innocent, funny and throw-away; I sometimes find them irritating and intrusive.
“When are you two getting married?” or “Oh come ooon… Put a ring on it alreadyyyyy! What is he waiting for?”
“Wow, I was really shocked when you came back from Greece and he hadn’t proposed.”
“Is there something wrong?”
The pressure. I feel like punching people when they say this.
Sometimes All. the. time I think people don’t, well… think. They don’t think deeper into what a throw-away comment could actually mean to the person. They don’t think that there could be deeper reasons.
A friend of mine kept being bugged about having babies. They were throw-away comments to some, but for her, she was dealing with the fact that each month she was disappointed and worried that something could be wrong and the more the comments came, the more stressed and pressured she felt. And what happens when you’re stressed out? No babies.
A friend of a friend can’t actually have children, doesn’t really want to be discussing it with people that aren’t super close and the constant pressure of: “When are you having a baby? Are you trying for babies?” is depressing and just down right awful for her, every single time.
Sox and I had long, humorous chats about the comments we were getting, whilst in Greece. We are very aware of our relationship, where we are at in our lives, what we want as individuals and as a couple and that is personal and private.
When the comments kept coming, on Instagram photos and Facebook statuses, at first I’d get irritated. It put unnecessary pressure on both of us, and let’s face it. Girls, there is nothing worse than your man being pressured from other people. Unless, you’re the one putting the pressure on. That’s worse, actually and that was just it, the pressure that came through was not and is not coming from me and yet the pressure was there and it just felt so uncomfortable.
Sox and I eventually decided to just see the good in them and know that the comments are from people who actually don’t know us/have never met us; that they were simple throw-aways, not really thought out and that (hopefully) they were just coming from a good place of seeing 2 happy people in love and wanting the best (society’s best) and we appreciated the sentiments.
And whilst we saw the comments for what they were, we chatted about how some people didn’t think, and imagined what would have happened if we weren’t taking the comments in this relaxed way.
Imagine this was the scenario:
I am in Greece on a romantic holiday, with all the Disney-hope of being proposed to. I sit with this hope day after day, sunset after sunset, romantic dinner after romantic dinner and after each Instagram pic goes up, comments of: “Put a ring on it already!” and “Hasn’t he proposed yet?” and ‘We’re waiting for your engagement picture!” appear.
Thank you (stranger) for adding salt to the wound.
Imagine how I could have possibly felt if I was sitting there with all that hope? I bet you didn’t, when you posted on my wall.
Luckily this isn’t what happened.
I also think that if we had an announcement, we’d make one, surely? Hello… I pretty much share everything with you, don’t I? Why wouldn’t I want to share what would be one of the happiest moments of my life?
At the end of the day, I think we all need to do just that: Think.
The “think before you speak” cliche applies online too. We need to think before we post something, think about the situation and if you could possibly be making it worse for that person. I do like to think that everything is done with the best intentions, but by adding a little thought into those best intentions, a better comment could possibly be made.
Think about it.