On the 4th of February, I will be turning 30. Firstly, I just cannot believe this is happening. I knew it was inevitable, but at the same time, a sense of denial has been prevalent, almost as if I believed it’s not something that will happen to me. Just others. Those getting old.
Why do I still feel like I’m 22?
I remember being a little girl and thinking anything over 28 was ancient. I also remember being a little girl, being convinced that by the time I am “ancient”, I’d obviously have married Bryan Adams or Leonardo DiCaprio (it depended on my age and celeb crush at the time) I’d live in a mansion, drive a sports car, have won awards – to fill the mansion, have a best selling novel, TV show, radio show and be interviewed by Oprah. Obviously.
Um…side note… just not interviewed Lance Armstrong style!
It’s not that I’m scared of getting old – OK, I’m not a big fan of wrinkles or the knowledge that my body isn’t what it was at 18. Dammit.
I just can’t believe I’m 30. Did I do enough in my 20’s? Was I wild enough? Did I travel enough? Did I have enough twenty year old fun?
I now feel like 30 brings on a whole new responsibility of adulthood. I feel like I should suddenly be extremely sophisticated – and yet I’m still clumsy – the girl who can’t wear white because I can’t keep it that way and I still trip over my own feet.
I feel like I should know how everything works when it comes to the stock market, bonds and taxes.
I feel like I should know how to make that perfect “step aside Jamie Oliver” dish. I feel like I should know how to be an adult.
BUT, you know what? I have learned so much in my twenties, I have grown into the person I am today and I am extremely proud of that. I no longer see 30 as being a death sentence, but rather a new beginning. A new chapter. A new decade to keep growing and shaping who I am.
I may be slightly horrified that I am no longer a twenty something year old, but I am excited to see what 30 holds.
In a way I’m glad some of my childhood silly fantasies didn’t come true (and proud that some have) because a) I want reality, not a Hollywood/Disney fantasy and b) it means I still have so much to look forward to.
I believe… the best is yet to come.