Whenever I write these vulnerable posts, my cursor hovers over the “Publish” button. I wrote this post last week. Chickened out publishing it and put it safely in “Drafts.”
On Sunday morning, I got Facebook’s “On this Day” memory. Sometimes there are some gems, sometimes there are cringe worthy moments. Bad fashion choices, hairstyles and hello exes. Eek.
I’ll get back to the reason I brought this up shortly…
This is what I had already written last week…
I’ve been feeling a bit down after not being as strict with my food and exercise. Yip. I’ve fallen off the wagon and I feel terrible. Not only has it made me feel lethargic, but I feel brain foggy and heavy. I can also see the effects.
My migraines are back and I have put on a bit of weight. Sure, it’s not a lot, but I want to stop this in it’s tracks before it gets worse. I know how quickly I can put on weight, in comparison to how long it takes to lose.
This isn’t a woe-is-me post, nor is it a fishing post, but it’s just my reality right now and if I can’t be honest with my feelings here, on my blog, well, then… it’s a shame.
I know that we each have our own feelings about what is over weight and what isn’t. I’m sure we’ve all been privy to some conversations with friends, where the one complains about being “fat” and the other friend’s say: “Nonsense! You look great!” Wondering how they could think they were fat in the first place.
I believe that we all have that place, where we feel our best, for our unique bodies and right now, I’m just not in the best place. I’m not beating myself up about it (OK honesty here… I have been, but I’m sorting that out.) I’d rather talk about it. It also makes me feel more accountable.
The first place I put on weight, is unfortunately my tummy and face. My face is normally the first to lose and my tummy is the last. I am back on track with my eating – not quite there yet with my exercise, but since it’s generally 80/20, I think it’s a good start.
The reality is, I just can’t be that person who eats badly on and off. I am an all or nothing type of person, anyway! I am not one for “moderation.” Define moderation. Your moderation and my moderation could be 2 completely different things. It’s not only about the weight, it’s about not feeling healthy. I don’t want to feel sick after a “cheat.” It’s just not worth it. The “delicious” taste actually isn’t worth what I go through afterwards.
Luckily, I think I know how to dress for the extra little bit of weight gain. I usually wear black and allow my tops to be a little looser than usual, to hide any muffin tops. Argh. Just writing that alone, makes me motivated to lose the weight.
Fast forward to opening Facebook on Sunday morning and getting the “On this Day” memory. The memory itself was a fun one. I was with some girlfriends at a lunch. It was when I saw my weight from back then, that it made stop in my tracks.
I’ve forgotten how far I’ve come. It served as an excellent reminder to a) stop being so hard on myself b) to congratulate and appreciate where I am today and c) to remind myself that this is a journey and I don’t want to ever go back to that space. It was motivating.
I’ve felt all the emotions again. Annoyed at myself for falling off the wagon. Angry because it is like starting at Day 1 all over again. Self pity/disappointment because I felt like I had taken so many steps backwards.
Looking upwards and onwards, I’ve been 100% back to my healthy eating for 8 consecutive days so far and it does feel good. They were bloody hard though – the cravings, the irritability, the feeling that this is so unfair and why can’t I just eat a huge slice of cake like other skinny girls. You know, all the feels!
I’m back to my Gold Star chart and I’m already feeling so much better, just in 1 week. The hardest week ever.
Today, Monday morning, I set my alarm clock for even earlier than normal start, and I actually went to gym. My God. I did it.
I only went for 30 minutes to do cardio and start getting my fitness levels up. I did 10 minutes of the bike doing 2 minutes on level 6, 2 minutes on level 8 and repeated that. I then did 10 minutes on the treadmill. 2 minutes of fast walking, 2 minutes of jogging and repeated. I finished on the spinning bike and did 2 minutes as fast as I could and 2 minutes, with a harder resistance, out of the saddle. I was red faced, out of breath and dripping with sweat. I was a hot mess. It was a great start and I’m aiming to do this every day and build my minutes up.
We are all human. We all fall of the wagon. It’s what we do afterwards that counts. This health and fitness lifestyle is definitely a journey.
How do you motivate yourself?