Oh boy…

I don’t know if I am so sleep deprived that I’m not thinking properly, or if I have just officially lost my mind to do this. Whenever I put myself out there like this, my finger hovers over the “Publish” button hesitantly… BUT, in vulnerability there is strength.

Get yourself a cup of tea and get settled in to read. Today’s post is a little lengthier than usual, but boy it’s personal. If you don’t feel like reading, come back again tomorrow! x

I am scared to do this because there always have to be those Negative Nancy’s who have something unkind to say, or the Know-it-all Nina’s who have to give their 2 cents whether it’s wanted or not. However, I’m going ahead more for me and for anyone else who can take something positive out of this.

I am publicly sharing my baby weight loss mission because not only does it hold me accountable, but it puts the extra fire under my flabby bum to do this.

I know it takes 9 months on and 9 months off, but we are 5 months in (tomorrow – seriously, where does the time go?) and I have lost 2kgs. Considering my baby was 3,060kgs when he was born, the maths really doesn’t add up.

Let me explain…

I put on 22kgs in my pregnancy and while I wasn’t 100% strict in my eating, I didn’t go CRAZY in my cravings, like I could have. I actually had relatively healthy cravings like pickles and olives, Greek salads, glasses of milk and oranges. I did have cravings for slap chips, sweets or cake, but as soon as I had it once or twice, I never really wanted it again.  I guess I wasn’t as strict as I usually am with my eating because well… pregnant! Before my pregnancy, I had been following a LCHF lifestyle which helped me lose all my weight in the first place, but during my pregnancy I didn’t really stick to that and I did tend to eat a lot more carbs in 9 months than in 3 years.

The last 5 weeks of my pregnancy, is when I gained quite a lot and I suddenly expanded quickly and after being super diligent with stretch mark creams and oils twice a day, every day, I got terrible, red angry stretch marks from my pubic bone to just above my belly button. It was quite depressing. I have been using a Dermapen and needling my stomach every other day with scar repair cream and there is a little difference, but  I doubt I will ever wear a bikini again. I’ll just have to rock the one pieces!

I will say that I think I put even more weight on AFTER George was born. I had more cravings post baby for all the bad things, mainly carbs… Blame it on being sleep deprived, hungry all the time from the breastfeeding and just grabbing easy to eat things on the go.

I was one chunky Ouma rusk away from being a chunky rusk.

I was so sure I would have lost at least 8-10kgs after the birth, but it wasn’t like that at all. In fact I don’t know if it was because I was so swollen after the surgery, but I walked hobbled out without having lost one kg. Again, it made no sense since George was 3,06okg and I had that huge Fibroid removed plus amniotic fluid, a placenta and so on. Anyway… I think I put on another 3 kgs, making the total 25kgs.

Oh and as for “You’ll lose weight when you breastfeed.” I did NOT fall into that category. Meh. Depressing.

I know I brought a perfect, amazing human being into this world and the reason for being big is a pretty great reason- one I am seriously grateful for… but I feel terrible in my body. I feel heavy, I feel weak and unfit, I feel sweaty. I feel tired from not having decent sleeps and I also realize my hormones are still swirling. I am trying to be kind to myself, but it’s really hard to when you feel grotesque.

I’ve decided to make this journey public, more for me than anything else.

It’s like declaring to all your friends that you’re going to stop smoking … it makes you more accountable.

I don’t know when you started reading my blog – perhaps you are new; perhaps you’re a seasoned reader… but I did post about my Sugar Addiction before. You can read about it here and here if you would like.

I also realize I’m starting this at the toughest time of the year… Christmas and the Festive season. Sigh. However, there is never going to be a “good time” to start. January is Sox’s birthday, February is mine, March is our anniversary, June is George’s 1st birthday… it’s always going to be something. 

So this is how I see it working:

Once a week I’m going to do a post and check in. I’m going to be vulnerably honest, so I hope the trolls play nice. I’m going to do the things that have worked for me in the past. As someone with Insulin Resistance, the LCHF Banting lifestyle works WONDERS. It’s just so hard to get off the carbs and sugar now.

I’ve had loads of Qs about Banting and Breastfeeding. It can only do wonders for my breastmilk in ensuring I eat non processed foods and other junk. Eating good healthy fats is also needed for breastmilk.

I am going to do my best to exercise… juggling a baby (who does not sleep through the night) and my career is exhausting and I take my hat off to those women who make it to the gym too. I just haven’t got there yet. I have however, got a wonderful woman, Kelly from Mobi Yogi, who comes to my house each Wednesday morning and we do an hour of Yoga. I love it. I’m new to yoga – I tried it a few years back and didn’t love it at all, but this time I’ve taken to it.

I am almost too nervous to get on the scale each week, because I don’t really believe in the scale… but I am going to weigh myself as a starting number and see how we progress each month. I think I’ll rather measure myself with a tape measure, to get more accurate readings.

Jeeeez, I cannot believe I am about to make this public. I must officially be insane.

Started: 31 October

I started on the 31st October of cutting out breads, pastas, cakes and grains. I also cut out sugar and started Banting.

Weight: 85kgs

Goal: 60-63kgs

I didn’t take my measurements unfortunately.

How I’ve felt:

The first two weeks were the hardest.

• Mood swings from the no sugar.
• Feelings of resentment that I can’t eat the work birthday cupcakes.
• “Why is life so unfair?” pity parties.
• Ups and downs.
• Cravings for everything I can’t have but want.
• Feeling victorious when I did actually say no to the Halloween candy on offer; only to be in the queue at the supermarket a few hours later and clenching my hands not to grab all the sweets I could see.
• I feel highly irritated that I have to go through this again, only because I’ve been here before and I know how difficult it was to lose the weight in the first place and I feel tired thinking about the great task ahead of me.
• When I look at other Moms running around with their toddlers, looking happy, healthy and carefree on Instagram I feel motivated.

It’s been a rollercoaster.

14 November

Weight: 82kgs

Goal: 60-63kgs

Measurements:

Over the belly button: 111cm

Hips: 112cm

How I’ve felt:

Proud to have gone 14 days without bad carbs and sugar.

• The cravings aren’t as bad as they were in the beginning, but I still battle when something is in front of me.
• Work is the worst. I have to almost avoid the kitchen because there is always a melktert or birthday cupcakes and cake on offer. It’s a weird thing… I didn’t even think of melktert/cupcakes/cake, but suddenly it’s in front of me and it’s all I want. It takes a lot of willpower and mental pep talks.
• I still have feelings of resentment when I see others scoffing pizza and desserts and feel like: “Why can’t I just have the moderation factor.”

I’ve come to the realization that one is too many, one thousand is never enough.

Every time I feel a bit of resentment, I replace it with feelings of gratitude that I am taking control back and that everyones journey is different. I’m trying to stop comparing.

So there we go… Eeeeek! I’m on a mission to lose the weight and yes, even over Christmas time. I’ll check in again next week.

I don’t want this post to come across as being vain or worried about looks… but I do want to be realistic about losing weight after a baby when you feel exhausted and don’t feel good about yourself. I want to be healthy for my sake and Georgie sake!

Thanks in advance for your support.