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Motherhood, Pregnancy

Dear George… A Letter to my First Born

My Dearest George,

You are the little soul who made me a Mother 2 years, 5 months ago. You changed my entire world and have made me relook at everything afresh and taught me so much about myself – in such a short span of time. I look at this picture above that we took at the maternity shoot we did 5 weeks ago, and I can’t believe how big you look – where did my baby go? You’re still so little, but with Baby G2 on it’s way, you seem to have grown up suddenly.

I am sitting with my laptop on my lap, slightly covered by the large bump I have, typing this. I wish I had made a cup of tea before I sat down to write, but I’m too sore to contemplate getting up to do it. I’m heavily pregnant with your baby brother. He is moving and my stomach looks alien as it moves from side to side – it’s his foot, then his bum, then a little hand. He hiccups in my tummy a lot, just like you did. He has very little room left to move! Our family of 3 will become a family of 4 this week and I am huge mix of emotions.

Funny enough I gave birth to you at 37 weeks and 1 day. Thanks to the complicated pregnancy with you and the Fibroid, the goal was to get to 34 weeks and I pushed through the pain to get you to 37 weeks. You had already taught me the gift of sacrifice and what unconditional love was, before you were even earthbound. As I write this, I am 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant and this pregnancy has felt much harder, my body has struggled through and I know it’s all worth it in the end (and the pain quickly forgotten.)

I remember wondering what you were going to be like. What you would look like? Would you be healthy and happy? What I imagined was nothing in comparison to the gorgeous little boy that you are, with your big smile that creates a little dimple underneath your lips on the left side, a cheeky laugh, gorgeous eyes framed with dark, long lashes that everyone comments on. You have such a sweet, nurturing, sensitive nature; which is also strong-willed and you know exactly what you want. You are busy and explorative, yet cautious (thankfully.) You’re also really neat – you like things in order and you school me often with your “Mommy, pack away!” as you point at things I’ve left out. It amazes me.

Now I wonder what your brother will look like, be like, what his personality will be like? Will you be similar? Will you be completely different from each other?

I think the biggest wonder (worry) I have, is whether the two of you will get along, be best friends, be there for one another and have a strong brotherhood. Will you be OK in the transition?

Our whole world has revolved around you and it will continue to, but differently now and it makes me  sad, but also excited, because having a sibling is such a blessing. I think know you’re going to be a wonderful brother and thrive having one.

I have worried when you’ve been completely disinterested in my ever expanding bump. It’s made me giggle when you’ve told me to “Pack away” my tummy (if only it were so easy.) If I’ve lifted my top to “air” the bump, you’ll pull my top down and say: “Close!” However, in relation to your short years, 9 months must feel a life time of waiting for, what Mommy and Baba (Dad in Greek) keep talking about: Your Baby Brother.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with Baby G2. Both of you were prayed for, wanted and tried for. I remember being so excited, a little shocked (even though we were trying) and also so sad – like I was “cheating on” you. I burst into tears as I watched you play with your toy cars, unaware that in 9 months time our world as we know it would change again. Of course, they were happy tears too – what a privilege to become a Mom again, but also tears of feeling sad about having to share you with someone else.

Every parent who has gone from one to two+, has expressed the same fears. How will we possibly love someone else as much as we love you? How will we manage two? How will we not compare, and love you both equally and as individuals? How will I be able to split my time effectively so that you both feel loved and cared for? I know I’m not the first or last Mom that will experience this, but right now it’s new to me, and scary and completely overwhelming.

I’ve received all the advice I can.

  • Have a gift for the baby from you, and have the baby give you a gift.
  • Don’t be holding the baby, when you arrive. Rather have the baby in the bassinet when we introduce you, so you don’t feel jealous or replaced.
  • Allow you to be as involved as possible, even if it means triple the time taken to get things done.

We will do all that we can to ensure you don’t feel left out, or replaced – because you most certainly aren’t. If anything, we are just adding even more love to our family. Someone told me it’s half the time, double the love. 

Georgie, you’re nearly 2 and a half years old and while you understand so much, more than I sometimes give you credit for, you’re also still so little and need me so much, which I love, but now I feel guilty that I’m going to be shared. We will figure it out together as a family.

We have 2 names that we love for your brother and can’t decide on which one to choose. I keep asking you for your opinion (like I’m hoping you’re going to have the answer or the sixth sense of what his name should be) and you’ve always made us laugh. I’ll ask you: “Is Baby Brother’s name option A or option B?” and you’ll look at me like I’m crazy and say: “Name is Brother.” You’re really funny.

George, I want you to know:

You will always be the one who made me a Mom. You changed me for the better, forever. I’ve always thought I was impatient and you changed that… you’re the one who taught me patience. You will always be the one who taught me what it means to unconditionally love someone and you’ve taught me how to be selfless. I will do anything for you. I will always be there for you no matter what, do my utmost best to set the right example and I always want to make you proud. I thank God every single day for you, with such gratitude. I am in awe and completely humbled that I get to watch you grow and be there to guide you. Your character is so wonderful. You make us laugh daily and the things you say these days are too cute. I adore you and I treasure seeing the world afresh through your magnificent eyes.

I hope you will always know how loved you are, how proud Mommy and Baba are of you and how we are so excited to become a family of 4. I’m excited to be surrounded by my boys!

This was the last weekend as a family of 3 and it really didn’t go as planned (does life ever?) I landed up in hospital thanks to a horrid stomach bug that we all caught, but at the same time, oddly enough, it was perfect. We got to snuggle lots, care for each other and do everything that families do for each other when it really counts.

I am going to hold you a little more in the next few days and tell you I love you over and over. I’m also going to kiss you over and over and I know you’ll wipe your face and say: “Stop it Mommy!” Isn’t that supposed to start when you’re a teen?

I won’t take this alone time with you for granted and while I am a giant mix of emotions, this is such a special time for our family.

I love you George – thank you for making me a Mom and here’s to you becoming a Big Brother!

Love Mommy

x

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11 Comments

  • Reply Barbara

    That is beautifully written Bailey, wow. You’re an awesome mom. And George is blessed to have you, as his mom. Take care and all the best, as you go through the birthday with baba G2. Look forward to hearing what his name is. Be blessed with both your boy’s. I am a mom to two boy’s as well and wouldn’t change it for anything.

    Kind regards

    Barbara

    November 25, 2019 at 6:11 am
    • Reply Nadia

      This was so beautifully written and so moving. It made me emotional. This time last year I was one week and 1 day away from giving birth to my second born, my daughter Sienna. My first born being a boy Charlie who was three at the time and I too felt the same mixed emotions you have described so well. It was honestly one of the best days of my life the moment Charlie met his sister, he was so in awe of her and fell in love with instantly and has been so nurturing and protective of her ever since. I feared he too would be jealous at the thought of having to share me but he has been anything but that. This is truly a magical time as your family expands cherish it all. Wishing you a healthy delivery and baby. Your boys are blessed to have you as their mommy xxx.

      November 26, 2019 at 1:55 am
  • Reply Desh

    I am in complete awe of you Bailey, both your boys are incredibly lucky to have you as their mommy.. may the next chapter of your lives be filled with even more love and happiness..

    November 25, 2019 at 6:30 am
  • Reply Angela

    This is so incredibly beautiful and well written! My son is also 2 years and 5 months and this really hit home as we grapple with the idea of having another. Wishing you a safe delivery and speedy recovery, looking forward to learning more about what it’s like being a mom of 2 through your stories, xoxo

    November 25, 2019 at 6:30 am
  • Reply Michelle Reitsma

    This made me cry! Beautiful !X

    November 25, 2019 at 8:41 am
  • Reply Michaela

    This was the most beautiful letter to read. Thank you for sharing such a special time with us! Georgie is the most adorable little boy and I am sure he will be the best big brother to G2. Sending lots of love and prayers for your next exciting journey! Xx

    November 25, 2019 at 8:52 am
  • Reply Lesley Latsky

    Oh wow Bailey, what an absolutely beautiful letter to your precious George. I am an ‘older’ mommy, my daughter is 25 & our son is 21, but I could so relate to what you are feeling. It seems so long ago but some things you just never forget. I remember asking my mom about loving both our children equally & she reassured me that you just do, there will always be plenty of love to go around.Treasure your time with your Georgie & your dear hubby. Sibling love is amazing. Our two young adults adore one another, this is such a gift for my hubby and I as we get used to navigating a different phase of parenting. I wish you strength for the arrival of your second little blessing. May delivery day go well. With love Lesley x

    November 25, 2019 at 1:26 pm
  • Reply Paula Oosthuizen

    All the feels. This is so beautiful. You are a wonderful mum. All the best for the next chapter.

    November 25, 2019 at 3:34 pm
  • Reply Candice

    This was such a beautiful, heart warming read !
    I had tears rolling down my face it’s 3:00 am in the morning and I’m struggling to sleep.

    I’m currently also pregnant with my second child , my first born is a little boy age 3 (my second one is another boy to 🙂 )
    I’m 6 months now and a rush of hormones and emotions.

    Not to mention that this time round physically I’ve definitely taken more strain being a bit older in this pregnancy.

    I feel like you have taken the words right out of my mouth everything you are going through emotionally and physically is what I am currently feeling.
    I love my son Troy endlessly and often feel the way you do about Goerge.
    How will I love my second child as much as Troy?
    What will he look like?
    Will they love each other unconditionally?
    It freaks me out at times but relish in the fact that we are excited to have a family of 4 and that all will be unfolded soon and we take each day as it comes with love and laughter.

    Wishing you and your soon to be family of 4 love , blessings and laughter from one mamma bear to another 🙂
    We both got this!!!

    November 26, 2019 at 2:09 am
  • Reply Tanya

    What a beautiful letter to George. It gave me all the feels ❤ Wishing you a safe and happy delivery Bailey and all the best for the next chapter in your lives. You will be a beautiful family of four and I look forward to seeing the photos xxx

    November 26, 2019 at 2:46 pm
  • Reply Caley

    The most beautiful letter to precious first born, Bails. It filled me with so much love and pride, and tears!
    What beautiful memories i have of this transition, although all the fears too… Sending you so much love this week x

    November 27, 2019 at 7:11 am
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